update

today was amazing. my six months were up and unlike most of my peers i was actually made to follow them. So to celebrate kort, rach jackson and i went to kalles to see tav, went to trackside, and then we all went over to kort's aunt's house to babysit. it was fun. we all played secret agent with the little kids.

i have not blogged lately because i have been incredibly busy.

random.
i have done really well with my eating healthy and tomorrow/today i am going to get a gym membership.

today shan shelly kort and i are going to Tacoma

my team got an A on the debate today.

Monday will be my fathers birthday
that deserves elaboration. it has been six months since i have had any contact with my father, i don't even like calling him that but i have nothing else to call him. i have a horrible burning hole because every day when i hear people talk about their dads at home who are mentally healthy i get extremely sad. it sucks. and i have a hard time expressing any emotion to the fact. sometimes i go on his myspace, i was curious one day and found it. Its proof to me that he is still alive, although i have no desire to ever see him or have any form of contact with him at all, it is still something i have to know. i also found out that he had a daughter before me, i never knew about her and neither did he ( i found out about a month ago) i finally tracked a picture down from long searching... i look kind of like her. she has really dark hair though, same eyes, same nose, different face shape. i don't know why i cried when i found out, most likely because i felt so bad for her that she had to share the same dad as me, i felt bad that her DNA had have him in it, i was jealous that she got his pretty eyes without having to know him. I got his pretty eyes, but those eyes had to suffer 16 years. i still get choked up thinking about her. She now knows she has a little sister (me) and an older brother(my brother) i think she wants to meet us, my brother and grandma want to meet her...why don't i? i keep searching for a logical reason as to why i don't want to meet this girl, she could be really cool she is my sister... but i don't want to bother her, she has a life she is 21? and she is set... the only thing i have to tell her is, kristen you are lucky so completely lucky that you got the pretty eyes and nothing else.

despite how sad this all sounds for the most part i am really happy, i just have some days when its inevitable not to think about it. the fact is i want a dad, as much as i joke that it doesn't bother me, all i want is a dad that comes home and isn't evil. all i want is a daddy.

but in place of that i have an amazing mom and amazing friends. nobody gets it all.