disapointment

We got progress reports today in fifth. My grades, sadly, are reflecting my attitude towards school and it is apparent that it has been difficult to find motivation.
AP English B+
Honors chem B-
Algebra II B
French II B ( i need to make up a presentation so that will go up to an A)
American studies A-
newspaper A

to some those grades would be amazing and their parents would reward them.

I'm Lucky and have a mom who's views on grades are understandable, if i try my best then she is not disappointed in me. She also knows that i always feel incredibly horrible if i have anything lower than an A. I think she figures i punish myself enough, but I'm scared because she brags about me and i know when i do well it makes her genuinely happy and the smile on her face and big embrace that follows it...I'm scared that instead of that hug when she sees that B- its going to be " Chloe, honey... what is this?" She always has this sweet tone when she is disappointed, adding to the guilt a million times.

The one person i love to please the most is my mother, because i know she takes a lot of pride from me doing well. so here on out, I'm going to find my motivation. I can not keep doing this. I can blame it on my summer and the numb affect it has had on me, but i want to be a better person and leave the past in the past. All the horrible things that happened to me during summer will stay in the summer. I have always told myself a person who lets their past be an excuse for the present and a factor of their future is a weak person, I can not and will not be hypocritical. My summer is over, the past 15 1/2 years are over. I'm moving on and am going to kick ass and get my A's back.

oh and my wanting to be an artist will have to wait. The sad world is forcing me to stay is wretched chem...but i will persevere and concur.


on a random not, music is my savor and always will be i love nothing more than music it is and always will be beautiful.

and I've been thinking of my old dog Macy a lot so here's to her, a very missed puppy.

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